When Baby Vegans Fall

I have been a vegan for 5 months now. Still in the transition state, still a baby vegan, still learning the ropes. off the wagon

If you ask my mother, I had always been vegetarian. I never liked meat, and did not even try my first burger until I was five years old. hated it! Yet, I decided to make the switch to vegan-ism due to medical issues. That has had many ups, and many more downs.

I have fallen off the wagon again, and again. Family members have pushed food on my plate that I had to eat just to be polite, right? Wrong! At 2AM when you find yourself eating ice cream do not feel ashamed. It is a hiccup, you can always climb back up on that wagon. As a baby vegan I have learned something during these last few months. There is a difference in being polite, and taking care of you. When you eat something that makes you sick, then you are being rude to yourself.

Just because the food is different or it takes the restaurant longer to fix means nothing. It is about taking care of yourself that means the most. Keeping yourself the healthiest and happiest you can be. So new rule of thumb? if you fall down, just get back up and keep on trucking! Because in the long run, you have this.

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The aftermath Nursing School leaves

When I sent in my application to nursing school my goal was to help people. See them through their worsts times, and feel amazing as they walked out that door knowing I had a hand in helping change their life. Of course I knew there would be those cases that would not make it. Yet, I was ready for it all…to take on the world of nursing. Believe it or not, they accepted me. This should have been the most amazing time in my life…


It quickly turned into the worst. It started with little things, then to getting in our faces screaming at us like they do in the military. I felt like I had joined the military. Still to this day, I feel like I can not say everything that went on. I literally feel like a war veteran except I was a nursing student. I was the student that turned in everything early, done everything like they wanted, and still nothing was correct. I could not understand why I was not helping people the way they wanted me too. Then it hit me. Our job is not to help people, but to keep them alive, patch them enough to get them out the door, and get out money. There is no “helping”.

The whole system of tear down to where you are nothing, and then building robots…this is what leads to PTSD. When I say PTSD, I do not mean hitting the dirt. I mean no emotions, higher risk for addictions (alcohol, eating disorders, smoking), afraid to say the wrong answer, etc. They use tactics just like the military. Does it work? sometimes. The difference? You do not go into nursing knowing this will happen. Trying to change your personality after nursing school is nearly impossible. Nowhere is it the professors right to bully the students. It it their duty to help us learn how to be the best we can in our field. The trauma becomes like a second life that is always with you. How can I mention all of this? because I suffer from this PTSD.


Each person is different. I always hear “just change your mindset”, or my personal favorite “you are making it more than it was”. Oh, I wish I could, and I wish I was. Yet, that part of my life will never leave. It is trauma. It lead to me almost becoming an alcoholic, but it also lead me to my vocation. Now that I am in social work, I see the difference. When I was in nursing, I just thought that was normal practice. It is not! No person should have to suffer PTSD due to their job. Be an encourager to anyone you see. You never know what someone else has went through.

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Graduate School Tryouts

Graduate School. Two words that either set fear or excitement into people. Today, I get to finally visit the grad school of my dreams since childhood. After tonight, all the paperwork begins….

Yet, I will not be a close minded individual and only send in apps to that one school! Oh no! I have a list that is numbered by importance. So the agenda for today’s post…”Graduate School Tryouts: how to pick the right one”.

1) What will your major be in grad school?
Once you graduate from undergrad, your world opens up for more majors in grad school. Are there any special certificates you wish to receive? Do they offer those while getting your masters?

2) Would you prefer online, or in-class?
With our technology, now you can do school in your pjs. Yet, if you are a more social “cluby” person…that might not be the best option.

3) In or out of state?
If you choose to move, will you commute? Or live on campus? Is everywhere pet friendly?

4) Does the program/ classes required fit your personality?
You can go to multiple different grad schools for the same program and they all be different. Find one where the staff, and the program material fit your interest and personality.

5) How much does it cost?
Will you have scholarships, or loans? Will you have to work. Can you work during your program? Each program/ school cost different. Make sure to do your research!

6) Never send to just one
Always send apps out to multiple schools! Never leave all the weight on one place.

Though there are many more, these are the six most common things to think about when going to grad school. Me? I prefer online this time. This is in hopes of getting more involved in the community, and networking.

Whatever you choose, make sure you are happy with the decision. Nobody else is going to have to go to class. Do Grad school for you!

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don’t leave the party early

This is pretty much a public announcement: Do not drink the water! What do I mean by that, you might ask? It seems that everyone is married, engaged, pregnant, begging to get engaged, or stalking someone. Then there is those like myself. The “Hardcore Professionals” as I like to call it.

My struggle with commitment has become a true problem. I seriously cannot even commit to what I want to eat for the next meal. How can I commit to a man? What would I do with one if I got it. Stick it in the corner, and feed it sandwiches? How people find time to actually date/ marry in college… I will never know. Kudos. This stage in my life, It would just seems wrong to get married, almost like leaving a party early. Yet, somewhere, deep inside I feel a sense of lose when I see another friend walk down that isle.

The thoughts that I will never have that. That I lost that chance and for some reason he was taken too early (6 years this past August).  Maybe it is because it is not romantic anymore, and more of  a formality. Or that in 9 months I will have to go to the baby shower. Then again I am the sad person where my dog is my child. So many explanations for why I feel the way I do. I say all of this why?

Do not leave the party early. Stay! enjoy life as a singular. Figure out who you are before you go trying to make a diad. Because before long, that diad will become a triad. So to all those people out there asking you when you are going to get married….


you are working on yourself before you bring in another person. So you can depend on yourself. and not another human being for stability.

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Where is the United?

As an Intern, I have had the opportunity to complete many projects. This one by far has been the most fascinating, and near to my heart. Newspaper preservation! Sounds boring, correct? Well it is the exact opposite!

To be able to touch newspapers that come from the time of World War 2, is too much for me. Being able to read some of the stories I have heard from grandfathers, uncles….is mind blowing! Actually seeing the pictures encapsulated in time is both terrifying, and humbling. Following along with the news, and seeing how the writers tried so hard to keep everyone positive in such a trying time…they had no clue it would be so precious all these years later. Or that their words would even matter. Knowing that these men gave their lives knowing that they were fighting for their children to have a better life…..

Being a photographer, photos speak to me. Seeing photos of the adds ($.05 for peanut butter, or $ 4.47 for shoes), of people, makes you think it was easier times. Watching Hitler’s face change in the photos, he knew he was powerful. Yet, what really made him powerful? What he wanted, not even he could obtain. He hated his own self. Did he really let his own self-destruction encapsulate a whole country. The sad answer to that is yes. Yet, was it really? What makes it so different from the wars now?


The answer to that? Nothing. We are still fighting for something better. We all truly have this self-destruct mode that is waiting to go off at any moment. We all hope for the white fence. Why? I have no clue, because they are hard to clean. A husband and 5 kids (bless um, Lord). Will it ever come? Who knows, as a social worker I hope that my generation will see that. I hope that everyone could disengage that self-destruction button, sadly, as human beings it is our nature.There is more kids out of homes now than ever before. We all want to be “young again”…but what about the kids that need a home. There is more drugs, domestic violence, starting a war with another country just because we can. I do not think this was the hopes of my family, or the other thousands of veterans that fought in World War 2.

So when will it become different? are you willing to make the change? Are you willing to stand up for what is right? This Country will only become better; it will only become what they thought it could after the war; if we start to disengage our own self destruct and stand together as a united force.

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That Pressure Though!

When we all start a project, we figure it to be easy enough. I like to call it the “I Got This Syndrome”. Yet, we stumble, fall, somebody pokes fun, and then we are officially stressed and ready to give up! This though…this is truly the precious moments in life that we take for granted. These are the moments that make us into who we are supposed to be.

No one can ever truly understand what happens behind closed doors. Even if you tell someone they put their own imagination or “twist” on it. Then your life, your troubles, your achievements just become a play in their mind. if you think about it, that is a mockery to you. they can laugh at your troubles, no? add whatever lies they want, no? Then the only other option is to suppress every feeling. Happy, sad, upset, hurt, excited, hungry, etc. Yet, is that not also bad for the emotional and physical well being of a person also?

As a senior in college, I can relate to that “I Got This Syndrome”. As finals quickly approach the pressure builds to quickly grasp for something that never was mine.  Between internships, senior projects that are due last week, and starting shots. I begin to sink into a bottomless pit. Then I went down memory lane. During these last 6 years in college (yes, I said 6) I have been diagnosed with Multiple sclerosis, had 10 boyfriends, 3 relapses, made straight As and Bs, and kept it a secret the whole time from my friends and classmates. Then BAM…LIGHTBULB!

I am still loading! If you truly take a deeper look at it, that is what makes a person. I am not a genius, cause if so I would already be graduated. That project? Will it make me a better social worker? No. I will get it done though. All the falls in life. All the achievements. All the laughs. All the dropping Starbucks cups in public. All the messed up words and incomplete thoughts. All the falling in public. It builds you up, tears you down. Makes you callused. Yet, then…only then… you learn to fight for survival! I do not have this, and I am proud of it! If I had it, I would not be me!
When things seem to start whirling around you, and you seem to be sinking, just take a step back. Take a breather, and remember that you can make it. Don’t ever forget it takes a ton of pressure to make a diamond, and inside everyone is a beautiful diamond! Me, I am special enough to have a HUGE diamond. Yet, this life is not over yet, it takes a while to load…. So hold on to your helmet, it is going to be a bumpy ride!

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